Why I Stopped Dating Altogether

I'm going to do it. I'm going to go 90 days without a date, and I'm starting now. 

Ground Rules: 

1. No dating.

I can meet people platonically, and go out with them as long as they understand that I am not looking to date anyone.

2. No giving out my number.

I can sleep with someone as long as it is casual, but I do not hand out my number. 

Why:

1. I have noticed a pattern. I like him, he likes me, it's going really well, it's going too fast, he's scared off, it's over. The moment it happened again, I knew that I had to stop dating. I saw all my dating experiences all at once, and I knew I was better than that. At first I wondered how it could be happening to me again. But then nothing felt more obvious. Why wouldn't it happen again? It doesn't really make sense for it not to. My behaviors repeat themselves, so why wouldn't events repeat themselves? Suddenly the thought that I could possibly exist without a pattern of behaviour became the only ridiculous thought I'd ever had. So I'm changing something. I'm going dateless. 

2. I'm the girl that's dating this guy and that guy, and just hooked up with this other guy, and is going to go out with some new guy later tonight. I don't want to be that girl. I used to be proud that I had a roster of guys. I was even proud of my "kill count." I'm not proud anymore. I'm embarrassed now.  I don't want to be dating more than one guy, and I don't want to be dating a new guy so often that my friends can't keep track of their names. My dating life is an amorphous blob. It's fine for some people, but it's become unhealthy for me. See you later, slew of randos! 

3. I was on every dating app. That just can't be a good thing. Swiping right until my fingers felt numb, and I had exhausted the dating pool on multiple apps. It takes time (lots of time!) and energy that I would LOVE to spend elsewhere. 

4. I want to focus on my energy on my friends and family - not a slew of new guys. 

5. I want to face the discomfort of my loneliness, boredom and self-doubt. Dating is a form of escapism, and I think I'm addicted. 

So it's happening, and you will hold me accountable! 90 days, starting now. No dates until after May 14th. 

I hope that in the end I find that I am more energized, less absent-minded and fiercely independent.